Contentment with God's Plan

Perhaps I should have waited to begin this blog until after nursing school was over for the semester. :) I'm finding it so hard to concentrate and study these days. All I want to do is dig deeper into God's Word and learn more from Him. He has renewed that hunger in my life. I remember a few months ago feeling discouraged and at times stagnant spiritually, and I remember praying for a revival in my spirit. God answered that prayer. An excitement floods my spirit when I read His Word. Over the past few weeks, I have witnessed the workings of what could only be from the Lord. I desire to keep learning more and more about Him. I know that I cannot ever spend too much time in God's Word.

Today was such a refreshing day at church. I wanted to share some things that God has been teaching me. Over the past few months, I have had the blessing of being a part of the Ladies Sunday school class. We have been studying the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillows. This book has touched my heart many times, especially during this season of my life. Since we are a bit ahead of the men's Sunday school class, we reviewed the first six chapters this morning. The first five chapters were mainly about being content in life: content with circumstances, content to be the person God made you to be, content with your present role, and content with relationships. Such a difficult thing, especially for women, to be content sometimes. A few points really stood out to me within these chapters.

* Content with my role: Sometimes I feel as if I'm not fulfilling the role that I feel God is calling me to. There are desires in my life that I truly feel as if God placed within my heart. Yet, I'm not able to fulfill or act in those desired roles at this time. For instance, anyone that has known me knows that my heart's desire is to one day be a wife and mother. I know it is clique to say: "I've dreamed of being a wife and mother ever since I was a little girl." But, I really have!! It is such a God-given passion of mine. Yet, right now, God in His sovereignty has endowed the gift of singleness and has led me not to be a wife/mother at this time but to be in nursing school. My heart's desire is not be a careerwoman. Yet, God has opened the door for nursing. I know that I must be obedient and follow the calling. My heart says, "Why have You given me this desire, yet I remain single?" In my spirit and through His Word, I feel God saying, "Your joy and fulfillment should not be dependent upon marriage or children. I fulfill Your life. Your contentment should be found in Me." God may one day fulfill that desire in my life, but until then, I am choosing to say: "Amen, Lord. Let it be so."

Another desire and passion that I have is for missions and involvement in the ministry. If you do not know, nursing school demands most every part of your being. There is a lack of time for outside activities. I do enjoy nursing school but also have a heart's desire to involved in the ministry. It appeared that God was opening the door for this desire, as I would be working at a local summer camp as a counselor this summer. Yet, the day before I accepted the position, an acceptance letter to an externship at a local hospital arrived in my mailbox. Due to the fact that it was unlikely that I would be accepted into this externship program, I had sought other opportunities for the summer. I had prayed that if I was supposed to be at the hospital this summer, God would move and allow me to find favor. So, that letter was a definite answer. Thankfulness for the opportunity flooded my heart but disappointment also crept within. I so wanted to be used by God this summer. Then I thought, "Why can't He use me in the hospital....just as He could have used me at camp?"

The crucial concept that I needed to learn was that God has plan. Yes, He does give desires to us. In His time, He brings those desires that He has given to pass. What do we do in the waiting time? We trust. One of the highlights of my week is taking a break from the busy schedule of life and going to my church. I play the piano, sing praises to God, and pray about many things.

A couple of weeks ago, I knelt down at the altar and pleaded with God for a peace, one that "passes all understanding." I prayed for His guidance and His grace for this difficult season of life. I layed all the desires of my heart on that altar before Him. I prayed that even if I never graduated from school, and even if I never had the privilege of having a husband, and even if I never had those precious children, and even if I was called to stand alone for righteousness for the rest of my life, and even if, etc....it would not change the reason that I was called upon this earth. It would not change my love for Him. I would always serve Him and praise His name. For, I am not here to reap the benefits and blessings in life. I am here to serve God. I am here to walk by His commands. I am here to tell others about His saving grace. It was difficult laying those things for which I so desperately desired down before Him. Surrendering that control was difficult, but necessary. It is a daily choice to trust Him and know that His ways are best.

A sweet friend sent me a message last week with Psalm 84 referenced. It was reminder of how much the Lord cares for me and desires good within my life. It also reminded me of the presence of God and how being in His presence is what I desire. And as I continue to trust in Him and live within His presence, He will, if it His part of His plan, provide those blessings, those desires, those "good" things....IN HIS PLAN. IN HIS TIME. Psalm 84:11: "For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. O, Lord of Heaven's Armies, what joy for those who trust in you."

What I have been experiencing in these days after I chose to lay those things at His feet is wonderful, all-surpassing joy! Now, I will not discredit that it can sometimes be difficult to always feel that joy. It is, as I said earlier, a daily choice. Just ask some members of my family, and they would tell you that sometimes it is a struggle for me to not worry about how some things will work out. But, what a freedom comes when we let go of those things which burden our hearts and choose to say, "God, I give that to You. You may have that for me in my future, but You may not. And, I know that You will provide the grace for whatever circumstances may come. Whatever Your plan is, I know that it is best for me. I trust in You, dear Father." Easy to pray? Sometimes yes. Hard to live? Many times, yes. Necessary in order to live in that peace and joy that God has called us to? Absolutely, yes!

*Another concept that influenced me within this text was that of God being the "Blessed Controller of all things." I love that! As a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I know that what God has planned for me is only meant for my good. Will it always be easy? No. But, I can rest assured that He cares for me. Psalm 37:23: "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Beautiful words, aren't they? Every year.....every minute....every detail....every moment....He delights in these. What a humbling thought. What a love!

Today was such a blessing. Foundational truths from God's Word, encouraging testimonies from other women of God, sweet fellowship with my precious church family, and the blessing of living another day in the hope of my Lord Jesus!

Hannah Grace